on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
