So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
