hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
