I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
bring money and cleavage
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
