haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
