Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
