She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
