I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
