I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
