Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My vagina is very pro this idea
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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