My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
