is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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