3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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