Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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