I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We talked him into tasing himself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
