Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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