Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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