If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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