My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize