My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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