My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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