we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
