My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
