i wish my penis had a tongue
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
