I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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