i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
