Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
