why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
