you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
