Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
