Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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