i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
