fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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