By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he puts the penis in happiness.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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