matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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