Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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