my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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