so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We need to get me chipped asap
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
