My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
