Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
