It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
