Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
