Nicole vs. Life
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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