When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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