dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
