she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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