she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
