I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
