question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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