and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
