So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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