It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
