the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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