So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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