oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
