you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
