i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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