i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
