god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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