U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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