HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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