Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
