Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
