I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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