never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My underwear smells like fireworks.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
