i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
