Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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