i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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