textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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