I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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