Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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