It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
