I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
