i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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