We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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